Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. –Proverbs 3:5-6
This year has started out awesome for me. We had some vehicle challenges that I thought would be really expensive that cost less than a 10th of my expectations. I’ve had a ton of work with no signs of stopping. We are less stressed than we’ve ever been. Church is good. Family drama is low. The kids are doing great in school. While we still have a long way to go, life feels like it could be on a good trajectory.
God has always provided for us in every circumstance, but I feel that especially right now. However, I have this nagging little fear in the back of my head. It’s a fear of success. More accurately, a fear that a good moment in life means another crash at the end. It’s refreshing to not be as worried about tomorrow, but now I’m worried about six months from now, or a year from now.
The last time I had an awesome year, I thought it would go on forever and I thought it was because of how awesome I was. I started trusting myself, made some mistakes, and took some hits.
In the big picture, I think a healthy fear of success is a good thing. This nagging little fear is helping me to remember to continue to trust God, not myself, and for that I’m thankful. I’ve learned in the past that nothing I can do on my own can make my life better; I hope I can remember that and keep leaning on His wisdom, not my own, through whatever circumstances this year will bring.
I’d love to be more like the apostle Paul:
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. — Philippians 4:11-13